


i'll be hard to handle (i promise you that)

by el_em_en_oh_pee



Series: cooking competition au [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Baking, Cooking, Established Relationship, Food, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-23
Updated: 2012-11-23
Packaged: 2017-11-19 07:36:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/570795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/el_em_en_oh_pee/pseuds/el_em_en_oh_pee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam is determined to prove that he can <i>so</i> bake. Louis, in turn, is determined to  distract him from doing so.</p><p>Outtake from the <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/518723">Food Network Challenge AU</a> (you don't have to read it to understand this, but there are spoilers for that in this)</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll be hard to handle (i promise you that)

**Author's Note:**

> for the bowtie to my tuxedo (taylor to my selena, liam to my louis, etc), [caitlin](archiveofourown.org/users/sansastarks), who requested this months ago and probably thought i forgot about it. i'm thankful for you, babe :*
> 
> this is extremely fictional :) :) :)

"I can bake," Liam says, petulantly, looking at the note that Harry left on the kitchen counter in the apartment that Harry shares with Louis before he and Niall left on their vacation. "I make those biscuit things they make in the Southern States all the time. I dunno what he's going on about."

"Y'know," Louis says, walking up behind Liam and hooking his chin over Liam's shoulder. "If Haz were here, he'd tell you to prove it."

"Alright," Liam says, still scowling at the paper. "I will."

And that's when Louis knows he's in for a particularly interesting evening. While Liam rummages around the kitchen and starts pulling out tin after tin of various kinds of flour, occasionally saying, "Why doesn't he fucking _label_ these?" as he opens each lid in turn, as if looking at the contents will tell him precisely which type of flour he's unearthed, Louis takes out his phone and texts Harry, _Liam found your note btw hows Malta ?_

_I can't spell what Niall and I just learned to make but it's delicious. Tell him not to use any of my gram flour N wants to use it for something_

"Oi," Louis says. "Harry says not to use any of that chickpea flour shit he has."

"I'd love to avoid it," Liam says, sticking his index finger into one of the bins and rolling the flour between it and his thumb, examining the texture and then tasting it, and – wow, Liam's tongue is a beautiful, beautiful thing; Louis will have to teach Harry his secret crepe recipe to thank him for being the worst at labeling everything. "That would be easy to do if I had _any_ clue which flour was which."

Louis grins as Liam putters about, tasting another flour. He's got a pretty good idea of which flour is which, just by way of watching Harry whip stuff together in their flat three nights a week, testing new potential recipes for his bakery, but Liam is being awfully cute, so he really doesn't feel like doing anything particularly helpful. "Just pick one," he says, as Liam makes as if to poke into yet another container. "What difference can it make?"

Liam gives him a long, dry look. "You're a _chef_ , Louis," he says, slowly. "You _know_ what kind of difference it can make."

"Think of how few recipes we'd have to work with if no one ever experimented," Louis points out, and Liam huffs. Louis knows where Liam is coming from, he really does – cooking is a point of pride, and sometimes it feels like there's nothing worse than wrecking a relatively simple recipe by making dumb mistakes, but _really_. He adds, "Promise I won't tell the rest of the lads – or Perrie – if it doesn't turn out perfectly on your first try."

Liam groans, which means he's inches away from agreeing with Louis, so Louis takes advantage and steps in front of Liam and kisses him thoroughly, a hot slick slide of mouth against mouth, until Liam makes a tiny noise and just grabs the closest tin.

"Right," he says. "Scones."

 _Is the blue tin w/ the flowers something that will work or will it muck up the recipe horribly ?_ Louis texts Harry, as he leans back against the refrigerator and watches Liam line a variety of ingredients – sugar, the flour, some spices and dried fruits – up on the counter.

"Budge over," Liam says. "I need to get some butter and such. Go preheat the oven, yeah?"

Harry texts back when Louis is setting the temperature. _Excellent, make Zayn try them when youre done_ , which basically means that it's not the proper flour, and then again while Louis is retrieving all the measuring cups and spoons that Liam directed him to find, _now stop texting me, you insufferable cockblock, we're going to do N's favorite movie scene again_ , which – Louis does _not_ want to remember the time he came home from closing up Zouis to see Harry and Niall through Harry's open bedroom door, naked on Harry's bed with a huge sandwich between the two of them, recreating some weird sex scene from _Bridesmaids_.

So he waits about ten minutes, until he's relatively certain that Harry and Niall are naked and kissing, at the very least, before texting Harry _Get some_. He spends those ten minutes trying to distract Liam from his purpose by pulling out ingredients they definitely won't need – icing sugar, corn starch, capers, bay leaves, and extra-pulpy orange juice – and putting them in Liam's line-up.

"Do you take nothing seriously?" Liam asks him, finally, right after Louis has texted Harry.

Louis just gives Liam a look. "Approaching everything in life with amusement is great character trait to have," he says, because yeah, he takes a lot of stuff seriously and Liam _knows_ that he does – Next Food Network Star, for example, and organizing it so that all of the lads could still be together in some capacity after the competition once he was booted from it, and culinary school, and Zouis, and, most importantly, his mum and sisters and _Liam_. He just chooses to incorporate fun into his life whenever possible.

"Of course; how silly of me," Liam says, dryly, but his lips quirk, so Louis silently congratulates himself on a job well done. "How about we make the caper-flavored scones next time, love, and put them away for now?"

Louis laughs. He's always fond of Liam joking about food. It happens more now, but not as much as it _could_. "I'll put it away if you give us a kiss," he says, and Liam picks up the jar and puts it into Louis's hand as he presses a soft kiss to Louis's lips.

"Love you," Liam whispers, as he pulls away, and then he shoots Louis a grin. "Help me make these scones?"

"But I love watching you work," Louis says. He goes to wash his hands anyway, though, and when he's done, he cocks an eyebrow at Liam, pushing a hip out and pitching his voice lower, jokingly, and saying, "Tell me what to do, then."

Liam flushes bright red. Interesting. He clears his throat and says, "Um. Start measuring the dry ingredients?"

So Louis measures out the flour and sugar and leaveners and whisks them together while Liam grates an indulgently large amount of butter into the bowl. As soon as Louis starts working the butter in with the flour mixture, rubbing the dry ingredients against the butter with his fingers, he can tell that Liam grabbed something a little too coarse for scones, but as much as he loves Liam, he's _so_ not going to point that out. He'd rather kiss the pout off of LIam's lips when he eventually figures it out.

Instead, when Liam finishes with the butter and makes as if to reach into the bowl to help, Louis takes his crumb-y hands out and grabs Liam's chin with one hand, drawing him closer and into a floury kiss. Obviously he's just doing it to distract Liam enough that he won't find out he's gone and used the wrong flour. _Obviously_. Once Liam is firmly kissing him back, Louis moves his hand from Liam's chin and wraps his arms around Liam's neck, tugging him in closer and closer as he slowly parts his lips and deepens the kiss.

It's truly a testament of how long they've been in a relationship, the way that Liam doesn't pull away immediately to return to the task at hand. The way that Liam is the first to slide his tongue against the slowly-widening crease of Louis's lips, until Louis's insides buzz electric at the touch and he has to slip a leg in between Liam's thighs and press forward and-

There's a loud clanging noise and Liam draws back suddenly, leaving Louis reeling in his wake. "What-?"

"Baking sheet," Liam says, disgustedly, once he locates the source of the noise.

"Good," Louis says, and then, because he's still very focused on the task at hand, "We didn't spill the dough so you should come back here and give us another kiss."

"We should finish the scones first," Liam says, and because even though the words coming out of his mouth are bollocks, he still looks _wrecked_ , mouth red and shiny from the kiss, flour and butter all over his chin, chest heaving slightly, Louis almost forgives him for having a superhuman ability to maintain focus.

Almost. He still takes a handful of the dried raspberries that Liam has set out and throws them at him, one by one, until Liam rolls his eyes and grab Louis's hand to stop him and then just doesn't quite let go. "Lou," Liam whispers. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Louis says, inching forward, crowding Liam against the countertop again and brushing some of the mess from his chin with his thumb. And for a little bit there, they get caught up in gazing at each other's faces, before Liam moves deliberately forward and brushes a kiss across Louis's mouth.

"But," Liam says, drawing back right and putting a hand on Louis's chest when he starts parting his lips and moving his free hand to the small of Liam's back so he can grip onto him better. Louis makes a tiny noise in the back of his throat and tries to follow Liam's mouth and make it stop moving – or at least, make it move in an entirely different way - but Liam dodges back. "I want to get these in the oven."

Louis sighs. "Once you're _quite_ finished with that, can we work on getting your cock in my arse next?"

Liam stares at Louis for a long moment, and Louis is about to remind Liam that he _knows_ him and has known him _intimately_ for months and months and months now, so he can't be _that_ shocked, when Liam dissolves into laughter. 

"Well," he says, finally. "When you put it that way."

Louis considers faking outrage that Liam laughed at his proposition, but discards that notion quickly. "Good," he says, primly, and he steps back, disentangling his one hand from where Liam is still holding onto it and turning to the bowl of scone dough. "My dirty talk triumphs again."

He darts a glance at Liam out of the corner of his eye, just in time to catch Liam actually _roll his eyes_. Louis chooses to interpret it as a fond gesture. "Oh baby," Liam says, dashing some of the not-quite-right flour onto the counter surface and thumping the dough on top of it. "Talk dirty to me."

It's not necessarily one of their kinks, not even in its simplest form. They've tried it before, of course, because Liam got it in his head at one point that he's not exciting enough (and Louis pointed out that he'd been kicked off of Next Food Network Star before Liam did, which says something about their respective entertainment values because it was literally an entertainment-oriented cooking competition, but Liam just shook his head and told Louis that he was the most interesting person he'd ever met and then kissed him in that deep and sensual way he has, and then they lost track of the conversation) and came up with a list of ways to spice up their sex life and got through five of them, including dirty talk, before Louis went to the experts – Zayn and Perrie – for help with figuring out how to better convince Liam that he is, totally honestly, perfect the way he is. But that was after they learned that talking dirty just didn't really work for either of them. Needless to say, it didn't stick.

But Louis has set out to properly interrupt all aspects of Liam's scone-making process and he'll be damned if he doesn't finish, so he starts up a running commentary. As Liam pats the dough into a mostly-uniform circle, Louis says, "I love the way you use your hands." He leans on the counter and delivers what he knows is his sexiest smirk to Liam. "The way you're working that dough makes me think of the way that your fingers dig into my hips when you're fucking into me."

"Louis," Liam says, voice low. He shoots a warning glance Louis's way. Louis ignores it glibly.

"I find everything about you sexy," he tells Liam, because Liam has taken out a knife and is cutting the scones into proper scone-shape and sprinkling them with sugar and he's not quite prepared to sexualize the cutting of dough. He wants to have sex with his boyfriend, not encourage the making of a snuff film with his boyfriend.

"Me too, obviously," Liam says, flustered. He looks around for the baking sheet, which is still on the floor. "Can you hand me that?"

"Of course," Louis says, leaning over quite deliberately to pick it up, crooking his knees and stretching his back in a way that he knows makes his bum look fantastic. And yeah, maybe he snaps his way back up. So he'd seen Legally Blonde in West End twice in 2011. So what? The bend and snap is a tried and true seduction technique. 

He even rips off a square of parchment paper and puts it on the sheet pan before passing it over to Liam, because he's a good guy like that and he doesn't want Liam to get a chance to wash the pan off again and prolong their having sex.

"Cheers," Liam says, distractedly, laying the scone triangles in rows on the pan and sliding it into the oven.

Louis swings the door shut and picks up the kitchen timer, poised to set it. "How long does this have to bake?"

"Somewhere between fifteen and twenty minutes," Liam says, worrying at his lip with his teeth for a moment before looking up at Louis wickedly. "Think we can make it in that time?"

"I love you so much," Louis says, reverently, setting the timer for fifteen minutes. " _Yes_ , I'm sure we can."

And then Liam has turned the tables and is backing Louis up against the refrigerator, shoving his knee between Louis's thighs and pushing up with his leg and bending over and plundering Louis's mouth in a kiss, until Louis gasps against Liam's lips and can't help but shift his hips forward, his cock chubbing up in his trousers quickly at the friction.

"Couch," he gasps, because his bedroom is too far away and literally the only house rule he and Harry agreed on when they moved in was no sex in the kitchen.

"Yeah," Liam grunts, stepping back, and Louis steps forward, reeling from the sudden loss of pressure when Liam stoops down and actually _picks Louis up_ , one arm around Louis's back and one tucked snugly under his knees, which, if Louis is being entirely honest with himself, need the support as they've gone entirely weak at this sudden display of strength. He wraps his arms around Liam's neck and lets himself be carried past the kitchen island into the main room of his flat, tucking his head into Liam's shoulder and mouthing at his shirt. 

As quickly as Liam sweeps Louis off his feet, he's setting him down again. Louis hits the couch horizontally and with a soft _oomf_ , and he doesn't have time to move his arms away from Liam's neck to sort himself out before Liam stretches himself over Louis, one leg on the floor and the other pressed between Louis's on the couch and then he's covering Louis's body with his own and kissing him hard, teeth catching Louis's lower lips and tongue slipping through the seam of his mouth until their tongues are brushing together, warm and slick and so, so nice.

"Finally," Louis gasps, and Liam chuckles and reaches into the drawer on the end table, which Louis and Harry keep stocked with lube and condoms (Louis learned quickly into his time living with Harry that it's easier to keep a slipcover on the couch that is easily washable than it is to convince Harry that sex is for bedrooms. Sharing a bottle of lube and a stash of condoms is, by this point, a purely economical decision). 

"Fifteen minutes," Liam breathes, and then he's sitting up to strip off his shirt and flick the button on his trousers open. Louis struggles to push himself up on his elbows and does the same, pulling Liam in for a thorough kiss once they're both shirtless with their trousers undone.

Liam pushes a hand between the two of them, into Louis's boxers, and draws his cock out. He pumps his fist over it twice, quick and sure, until Louis is fully hard, his cock flushed a dusky pink against Liam's hand. He maintains the kiss throughout, and as Louis sucks Liam's pouty lower lip into his mouth, he can hear the distinct click of the lube being opened.

He must make some kind of noise or something, because Liam pulls back, a hairs-breadth away from Louis's lips. "Sorry," he says, puffs of breath ghosting against Louis's lips as he whispers. "I'd blow you if we didn't have the time limit."

"Okay," Louis says. He'd be disappointed – Liam gives the absolute best head – but he knows that Liam is probably even more upset about it than he is, because he gets off on giving head almost as quickly as Louis gets off on getting it.

"Here," Liam says, tugging on the waistband of Louis's trousers, so Louis lifts his hips and shimmies them a bit as Liam tugs his trousers down, until he can use his feet and kick them off the rest of the way. Liam runs a hand up the inside of his thigh, so he lets his legs fall open.

"Love your legs," Liam murmurs, bending almost in half so that he can kiss Louis's knees, first his left, then his right. "Love your thighs." He kisses again, higher. "Your cock." That gets one kiss, at the very tip. Louis bites his lip, hard, staring up at Liam, who runs his hands back to Louis's knees and pushes them up and open, gently, settling himself between them and inhaling deeply. "Your smell."

"Think you're just smelling the scones, mate," Louis jokes, but he falls silent when Liam smiles at him and licks a stripe up the cleft of his arse. He's pretty sure that if they don't have time for blowjobs, they also don't have time for Liam to lick again, and again, circling around Louis's hole but never quite pushing in, but he's certainly not complaining.

And then there's a bit of a squelching sound and Liam chuckles against the flesh of Louis's bum, lifting his head up and away. Louis whines at the absence of the warm wet swipes of Liam's tongue, but suddenly there's a cool slick finger just barely pressing against his entrance and Liam is kissing the side of his knee again, softly, and well. This is an acceptable substitute.

Liam works his first finger in slow and steady, pushing deep without a pause but still giving Louis time to adjust around him. "Li," Louis breathes, once it's deep inside him and Liam is just letting it rest there, maybe crooking it a little but not moving it in and out at all.

"You're gorgeous," Liam says, and then suddenly he's pressing another finger inside, swift and sure and Louis hardly has time to gasp before he's adjusted to it and Liam is fucking him, strong and sure, with his impossibly long fingers.

"Please," Louis says, but he can't articulate what specifically he's asking for, so he cants his hips up and fucks himself further down on Liam's hand, feeling the way his knuckles press him wider as they pass in and out of that first tight ring of muscle.

"Are you ready?" Liam asks, looking shocked.

"Ready enough," says Louis, after reflecting on the question for about half a second, and reaches over to where Liam dropped the condoms so he can rip a package open with his teeth and have it ready.

"Okay," Liam says. He pulls his fingers out, slowly, crooking the tips as he does so they drag deliciously inside of Louis until they pop free, leaving Louis feeling empty and bereft.

"Okay," Louis echoes. He reaches forward and tugs Liam's cock out of his boxers and wraps his fingers around it, enjoying the contrast of the deep purplish red of Liam's hard dick against his own fingers. Gathering up some of the precome that's leaking from the tip, Louis twists his hand down and over the shaft, dragging the moisture with it. "Okay," he says again and, poking his tongue out of the corner of his mouth, sets about rolling the condom down Liam's cock, slowly, meeting Liam's gaze and looking him straight in the eye as he does it until Liam lowers himself down and kisses him, lips soft and mostly closed, all these tiny sweet little pecks that should just be cute but which mostly serve to fire Louis up even more.

When the condom is on, he opens his mouth and catches one of Liam's lips between his teeth. Liam groans and adjusts himself until he's lined up properly, pushing Louis's knees wider open with one hand and then pressing in, a little quickly but still impressively steadily. When he bottoms out, he stills for a moment, letting them both adjust to the feeling of Liam inside of Louis, and then Liam rolls his hips and drives in, again and again.

It's an overwhelming feeling, Liam spread over him, lips moving over Louis's own but sloppy now that he's also snapping his hips forward, pushing deep and thick and _hard_ into Louis, the angle sending these really intense spikes of pleasure through Louis. He groans into Liam's mouth, working a hand between the two of them and gripping the base of his cock, because it's painfully hard and he's so close to coming but he wants to last a little longer.

"Louis," Liam says, moaning into the kiss, losing his rhythm for a moment and driving in hard and fast and irregular, so Louis moves his other hand to Liam's waist and holds him steady until Liam's movements even out and he's rolling in, smooth and fucking hot as hell, this steady roll of hips that has Louis hooking his legs around Liam's waist and pulling him in deeper and grinding up into Liam each time he bottoms out.

"Fuck," Louis breathes, vaguely registering a tinny shrill sound coming from the direction of the kitchen. That's probably the alarm, but there is absolutely no way either of them are going to get up to take the scones out of the oven now, so he deepens his kiss, stroking his tongue into Liam's mouth before breaking it so that he can catch his breath, raggedly.

Instead of kissing Liam again then, Louis goes for his sweet spot, licking over the tiny jut of bone at the end of his clavicle, biting it and sucking it into his mouth until Liam is half-shouting these wordless little cries. There's a bit of flour smudged there, somehow, and Louis worries at it until the taste has crossed his tongue and gone and Liam is just making this incredibly sexy wordless noise. He pumps harder, irregular, a few more pushes and then stills and slumps against Louis, mumbling a litany of I-love-yous and oh-shit-Louises. 

A moment later, he straightens himself out and pulls out. Louis can't help but gasp as the head of Liam's softening cock slips out of him, but he doesn't even have time to pout before Liam is kissing him once, firm, and lowering himself down his body. And then Liam is sucking the head of Louis's cock into his mouth, nudging Louis's hand free from the base and replacing it with his own, which he pumps slowly as he swirls his tongue around the head.

Louis has long since stopped trying to keep from fucking into Liam's hot wet mouth when he does this – both he and Liam like it when he does it – so he lets his hips push up naturally into Liam's mouth, screwing his eyes shut at the sensation of the flat of Liam's tongue dragging across the thick vein on the underside of his cock and up around the head again, pushing briefly under his foreskin and then smoothing over it quickly and repeatedly. 

Eventually, Liam presses Louis's hips flat with his free hand and swallows around Louis, and Louis can't help it anymore. He feels his balls tightening, and he taps Liam's shoulder warningly, but Liam just swallows around him again, and then one last time, and then Louis is coming hard.

When he comes down from his orgasm, Liam is hovering over him again, kissing him deep because Louis loves the musky taste of himself on Liam's tongue. When he pulls away, Louis hazards a grin. "Pretty sure I heard the timer go off a few minutes ago, babe," he tells Liam. "We didn't make it in fifteen minutes. Sorry." (He isn't.)

Liam's face goes through this interesting transition from sated and happy to shocked and then he's vaulting up and rushing into the kitchen, his jeans half-off and tangling around his knees as he runs, pulling off his condom as he goes. There's the sound of the oven door opening and then Liam is calling, "They're okay! Mostly."

Louis grins from where he's still laid out on the couch. "Put them on the counter to cool off and come back and give us a cuddle, then," he calls back, and hums happily when Liam does.

Eventually though, curiosity overcomes him – and he's starting to get cold from lying naked in Liam's arms for so long – so he sits up and dresses again and goes to investigate. The scones look mostly fine – a little overdone, but fine. "We should probably clean up," he says to Liam, who follows him into the kitchen.

"Probably," Liam sighs, and drops a kiss to Louis's shoulder.

While Liam is rinsing out the mixing bowl he used, Louis texts Harry a photo of the finished product, making sure to hide the spots that got a bit too brown while he and Liam were otherwise occupied.

"Did you tell Harry what I made?" Liam asks, a few minutes later, looking at his phone with a bit of a frown on his face. "Only he's just texted me 'Sorry mate, those are too close to the weird American biscuits you make to count.'"

"Might've done," Louis admits, and he grins as Liam hip-checks him, then slings an arm around his waist. He waits a beat, then leans his head against Liam's shoulder in return and breaks off a corner of one of the scones to taste it. It's not bad, honestly, but the texture is a little funny. He wonders which flour it was that Liam used. "Why?"

"Well," Liam says. "Suppose I'll have to make something else, now."

His fingers, resting curled around Louis's waist, tighten like a promise.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked it! :) (this is a gift for my usual second set of eyes, so if you notice any egregious errors, please let me know so that i can fix it!)
> 
> [lj](http://el_em_en_oh_pee.livejournal.com) | [tumblr](http://dulosis.tumblr.com)


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